she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
