For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
