My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
