are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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