Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize