I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
