I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
