Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
