woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
