Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
