You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
