I think I won the penis lottery.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
