did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
