Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
