My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
