i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
