Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
where does the pee come out of this thing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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