Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
