I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
