yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
