Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
