Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize