my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
