yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
