so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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