I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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