Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
