I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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