Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
