bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
