what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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