Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
