just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
