im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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