I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I checked into jail on foursquare
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
