So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
