im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
