He is an equal opportunity slut.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
