okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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