Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
