At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
