I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
