you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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