you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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