i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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