Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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