If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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