Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
