I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
