and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We don't watch enough power rangers
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
