I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
