Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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