you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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