Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she peed on how many people?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
