Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
