Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
