I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is not my ceiling
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the day after is always just damage control
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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