She is in my trunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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