Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
