Screwed.edu
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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