He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
