I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
