Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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