He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
