she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
