Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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